Thinking of you....again

I am thinking so much of my baby this week more than the usual. The harder I try to make a new normal for myself such as work and other activities the more I feel the sadness and reality hitting me in spare moments during the dare and sometime not even spare moments they just hit and hit hard. Then I get almost obsessive and can't STOP thinking about Vincenzo, my little tiny guy who I wish was here so badly. He should be just a few weeks old right now and I should be taking care of him and instead I am trying to take care of myself which is almost harder than what I had planned on doing with my life. I want a baby so badly and yet I want HIM back and healthy! I'm angry that I don't get to have my baby here and healthy while so many others just plug right along and pop out kids and some people who can't even take care of the kids or don't want them. I wanted him soooooooo badly and feel as though some days I am dying inside more and more.