Thinking of my baby

I am getting very close to my due date and I feel as though I am reliving losing my baby all over again. And yet I am thinking of all the things that should have been and could have been. On tuesday, I will go with about 10 friends to the cemetary and release 6 balloons for the 6 months that Vincenzo was with me. I am stressing very much about if and or what I will say there. I really dread this time and finally was able to cry today, I hadn't for a little while because of all the other things that have happened (my husband cheated on me while I was pregnant and I found out a month after I lost the baby). Afterwards, we are going out to a restaurant and my sister is going to buy my favorite type of cake. I am nervous and considering cancelling the whole thing, and yet I know I need it. I wrote a few poems when I was pregnant and had received the diagnoses and was thinking of copying those and giving everyone a copy. I just hope that this brings some closure for me